Posted by  Pete Albano - January 9-10, 2012 | Updated : February 18, 2012 | August 27, 2015

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Hack / Slash the Series

Hack / Slash the Series 1

It's such a nice night, I think I'll go for some blood and gore

Talk about non-boring introductions. The first issue of Hack/Slash the Series meets all expectations. And what to expect when you see a seductively dressed girl with a baseball bat and an ominous shadow in the background? Sexy? Check. Gory? Check. Lots of Action? Check. Hack/Slash the Series punches all the right buttons, if you expect sex + violence entertainment.

I'm hearing a high-pitched, Ms. Piggy-like voice saying : "Oh my gosh no, I don't want such corrupting trash, I want family-oriented comics, I thought there was a Comics Code Authority to ensure such things?". Yeah right. Now put the kids to bed. Turn down the lights; and lets have some Hack/Slash!

What's the worst kind of torture? Answer: The kind when actual body parts are being taken out. The other kind is pain without mutilation. Well, we're getting the bad kind here. Rather, Hack is getting the bad kind. Hack is the great looking girl on the cover and we come upon her being tortured by one of the monsters she hunts. He's already taken one of her toes - the other will be taken before the first issue ends. It's that kind of comic. I suppose some people will turn away, but I'm riveted by gory fascination. I won't tell the ending but it's a good one.

hack is in trouble This lunatic just took off one of Cassie's toes but she's hanging tough

You'll also meet someone who'll be Hack's partner in the coming issues - the Meatman, also known as Vlad. Vlad has green skin and a "different" face; he doesn't seem human but I'm not sure. He acts very human. But he's big and tough and Hack needs that kind of firepower. I absolutely love the panel here when he jumps through a window armed with two very large knives and shows us why they call him the Meatman.

vlad the meatman Vlad to the rescue

In the mood for a gory, fun read? Hack/Slash!

Hack / Slash the Series 2

That thing about rock bands being, you know, demonic

Things I liked about this issue :

  • The part when the rock band "Acid Washed" was playing to four people and they sit down depressed about how much they sucked and one of the members said maybe they should start doing things differently. For example, they could actually try practicing. Hehehe.
  • The part when Hack was buying underwear from the dollar store and she trips and her legs are all spread so everyone can see her panties.

  • hack trips

  • The part when the only ones the demons want are virgins and they have a foolproof, mystical way of identifying virgins.
  • The part when the foolproof, mystical way of identifying virgins is set in motion, and, among the virgins identified : Hack, Vlad and their friend who is a stripper!

This story is the first part of an arc and delivers on the much hackneyed link between Rock and Roll and devil worship. It's been a rumour for too long, now we have a nice, fat, serving of it in Hack/Slash the Series 2.

Hack / Slash the Series 3

No, this is not a campaign against virginity

Big problem. Remember Vlad? Also known as the Meatman? He has to follow into a demonic dimension where Hack has gotten kidnapped from last issue. In order to do that, he has to lose his virginity. This is a bit of a problem because Vlad has light green skin and he isn't the best looking guy around. I don't think he's half as bad looking as this comic would want us to think - but then again, one of my favorite heroes is the Thing.

So Vlad has to lose his virginity fast for Hack's sake. He contacts some old friends whom he and Hack helped out some time ago. One of them is this gorgeous girl who, as a last option, is perfectly willing to take a red-eye flight to 'do' Vlad herself, after all she owes our monster hunters a lot. I find this detail particularly arousing. Naughty.

friends ready to help

Anyway, Vlad, surprise, surprise. Needs no such help and manages to get laid on his own thank you. And no, it's not by paying a prostitute.

Hack / Slash the Series 4

I've had the sex!

The big problem last issue : How can Vlad get laid, is now followed by the big mystery : Did Vlad get his cherry popped?. What does sex mean? Sex means the penis has entered the vagina. Vlad has no idea what a vagina is, though, from what transpired last issue, he might actually have penetrated one. It's a big mystery until the demonic bad guys puts this to the test. I love their expression when their witchy little spell didn't work on Vlad and our hulking friend shouts : "I've had the sex!". It's a beautiful moment, the best yet in Hack/Slash, because it comes in the middle of a vicious fight between Vlad and the cursed rock band Acid Wash.

Putting even more weirdness in the fire are bunch of tentacled monsters with sexual appendages attempting to impregnate Hack and her friend Georgia, these monsters being summoned by no less than Elvis. Yup, you read that right.

Hack Slash is a wild ride.

Hack / Slash the Series 5

The character sketches in this issue serves to deepen Hack/Slash the Series

This is the beginning of a story arc called 'Tub Club'. The issue presents the reader with three subplots only one of which is directly related to the story arc. Let's begin with that first.

Tub Club looks to be like its going to be about zombies, specifically, a reanimated former Ms. America. No, it's not a sexy zombie either, it looks a bit gross. But tell that to David who's been obsessed with Ms. America, Emily Cristy, since he was a kid. Now, in adulthood, David is a doctor, and guess what falls on his lap? Emily Cristie's zombified remains. It's like one plus one equals two. This is the sub plot that will grow into a story arc taking the next four issues.

The other two subplots are character sketches which give us greater familiarity with the denizens of Hack Slash the Series. Here are the details:

The second subplot involves Chris and Lisa, two people Cassie and Vlad rescued and who are now an informal support team for the pair. Chris and Lisa have a burgeoning love affair, or is it lust affair? The usual velvety mush until Kyle appears. Kyle is Lisa's ex and he's a major-level jerk. It's the kind of situation I've always fantasized about NOT having : You like a girl, you're unfortunately not feeling like an alpha dog (Chris is unemployed), her ex marches in and attempts to humiliate you in front of her. Man, those are tense filled pages; I think, all things considered, Chris handled himself quite well.

The third, and last, subplot is my favorite : it involves Cassie and Vlad's relationship. Vlad, huge as he is, has a respiratory issue, which needs better care than sleeping in the back of the van. Problem : Cassie has no money for a motel room. This is a touching, quiet chapter in the lives and adventures of our Hack/Slash pair and illustrates nicely the nature of their relationship. It explains a lot of the underlying reasons for the dynamics between them in upcoming issues.

All in all, this issue feels like the calm before the storm.

Hack / Slash the Series 6

Horny in Riverdale

Instead of immediately running with the Emily Cristy/Zombie subplot of last issue, Tim Seeley, takes us into a side adventure in this issue as Cassie and Vlad go after Father Wrath. Nothing special about this guy, he's like the villain in Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose - a so-called man of God who hates sin so much he's going to kill all the sinners.

The one thing you should know about this issue is that it's illustrated like an Archie Comic. That's right, Archie comics. So be warned, it's not the usual Hack/Slash. I can imagine some fans feeling cheated about paying for something so "cartoony".

hack slash as archie

That said, let's go into this issues strengths. I mean strength, singular. The one thing I like about this issue is Vlad being horny. Yup, Vlad goes all horny in Riverdale. The final dialogue panel between Vlad and Cassie is tantalizing.

Vlad : Hurr . . . may I tell a secret then?

Cassie : Yeah, sure.

Vlad : I am . . . horny.

Cassie : Goddamit, Vlad.

Cassie says it in such a way that gives me the idea that there is a chance for her and Vlad to get it on. I, for one, would love for that to happen.

Hack / Slash the Series 7

A lesbian cult sharing a hot tub together

The 'Tub Club' story arc begins in earnest as Tim Seeley takes us to the Franco-Belle College of Women. No time is wasted in the college as we join a group of incredibly sexy lesbians sharing a hot tub together, "enjoying each others company", and, oh yeah, drawing blood from each other by slashing. Yup. This is Hack/Slash alright.

girls in a hot tub

In the meantime, our intrepid pair is on the case. Vlad is getting increasingly annoyed at Cassie who's always on the phone with Georgia. Remember Georgia? The virgin stripper (that's right, virgin stripper) who joined Cassie and Vlad in that extra-dimensional rock star caper in issues 2 to 4.

This issue also shows Cassie going undercover by wearing a midnight blue mask - she looks superhero awesome.

cassie in a mask

Hack / Slash the Series 8

Hot and bloody girl on girl action

Emily Cristy, the Ms. America/Zombie, makes her appearance at last in this issue. There's a government team hot on her trail. Cristy is the catalyst for the lesbian blood cult in Franco-Belle College and the link is made between this cult and Elizabeth Bathory.

Countess Elizabeth Bathory, also known as the Blood Queen, is a 16th century serial killer accused of the murder of young women. How many? over 700 - holy shit! The Countess reportedly bathed in the blood of her victims in order to stay young. She was ultimately imprisoned without food or drink in a room of her castle - they walled it in, talk about grisly endings.

Anyway, this issue presents visuals of some girl on girl action that's pretty much as close as you can get without being labelled porn. Even Cassie shows her lesbian tendencies as she fantasizes about Georgia.

girls go for it

The cliffhanger ending promises a conclusion for the next issue.

Hack / Slash the Series 9

All out action at the end of the Tub Club story arc

'Tub Club' ends just as we'd expect : action. Lots of bloody, gross, action.

Emily Cristy pretty much turns into a monster here, giving plenty of opportunity for Cassie and Vlad to show how much heart they've got for their "chosen career".

As one arc closes we are presented with the potential for a new arc. Remember the government men chasing Emily Cristy? It turns out they know Cassie's father, the guy who abandoned her and her mother. I'm excited to know more about that one.

This is a good issue for good old fashioned monster hunting action with the usual naughty girl images.

Next: Hellboy Seed of Destruction